There were a few years when I didn't really have a personal relationship with Jesus. I was going to Mass, mostly out of habit, and, to be honest, wasn't living intentionally as a disciple of Christ. But if someone had asked me that question then, I’m not so sure what I would have said. It probably would have sounded a bit strange to me.

Even if we're going to Mass regularly and doing our best to live out the Christian life, we may wonder if we have a personal relationship with Jesus. 

Or maybe you’ve just wondered about it: I don’t know, do I? Wouldn’t I be able to say so for sure if I did? Is there something I should be doing that I’m not?

So, how can we know if we have a personal relationship with Jesus? And can we at all? (The short answer: Yes, we can!).

I think one way to answer this larger question, though, is to consider some other questions.

Do we talk to Jesus?

This might sound like an obvious one but it's just another way of identifying whether or not we pray. As with any relationship, we can only have a deep connection with another person if we are regularly talking to them. Sharing what’s going on in our lives. Being vulnerable and open. And making time to listen to them as well.

The same is true with Jesus. 

For me, it really helped me to feel closer to Jesus when I regularly began talking to him in prayer. I continued to offer up certain formal prayers at times, which remain a wonderful and important way to connect with God, but I also made sure to just talk to Him in my heart with my own words. Like I would any good friend. On my commute in the car. While walking around my neighbourhood. In the morning as I sipped my cup of coffee. And the more I regularly “touched base” with the Lord—thanking Him, confiding in Him, offering my frustrations to Him—the more I came to see that I really did have a relationship with Him. 

There are other important and necessary ways to connect with Jesus, of course, such as attending Mass, receiving the Eucharist, going to confession, and reading Scripture. But by making space for time to simply talk to Jesus in our own words I think it can help remind us that God is a person and not some abstract being. A person who desires to be intimately involved in our everyday life.

Are we looking for Christ in others?

Jesus tells us that He is present when two or more are gathered in prayer. He also tells us that what we do to the least of our brothers and sisters we do also for Him. In other words, we come to have a relationship with Jesus by immersing ourselves in the company of others. 

This was a critical piece of my own faith journey and intensified my relationship with Jesus. At first, I did a lot of reading, praying, and frequenting of the sacraments, but it was just me and God at the early parts of my faith journey. But when I finally found a community of fellow believers, I began to experience God in new ways. It was through community that I came to know Christ and really establish a rich and “in the flesh” relationship with Him.

Through community, I was able to hear Jesus speaking to and affirming me through others. Through community I was also able to love Jesus concretely by serving my neighbours: befriending them, offering them spiritual counsel or encouragement, teaching and inspiring them in their doubts, suffering, or challenges. And, of course, it was in a community that I also benefited from others’ generous service—Jesus loved me through them.

God created us to be social and embodied beings: to receive and give love through others in concrete ways. While I was connecting with God in important ways through personal prayer and the sacraments, to fully have a personal relationship with Jesus I needed to be in community. 

Jesus reminds us that to His friend are those who follow His commandments, and the two greatest commandments are to love God and to love our neighbour as ourselves. So, it was by immersing myself in the midst of others that I was more able to love Jesus as a friend—to love Him through His mystical body, the Church. 

Do we see our relationship with Jesus as entirely up to us?

While we are responsible for maintaining a relationship with Jesus by speaking with Him in prayer, receiving the sacraments, and immersing ourselves in a faith community, it’s important that we realize Jesus knows how to befriend us, too.

I remember years ago witnessing others who so easily seemed to have a relationship with Jesus. They spoke often about experiencing His peace and love in prayer. They had a deep and abiding feeling of love toward Him. They seemed, truly, to have a wonderful connection with Him. 

I sometimes wondered why I didn’t always have such a powerful sense of Jesus’s presence in my life. I worried that maybe I wasn’t doing enough to have a relationship with Jesus. Was I missing something? Did I need to try harder?

Ultimately, God knows how to have a relationship with us. As long as we’re doing our best to make an honest effort, Jesus will commune with us as He desires. After all, He created us for a relationship with Him and so He knows best how to accomplish it.

In other words, it isn’t all on us—Jesus is the one who first moves to form a personal relationship with us. And He is the first to invite us and show us how we can deepen our relationship with Him in our unique and particular way. Like every relationship, the relationship we are called to have with Jesus is completely unique to us. No one else is called to have a relationship with Him exactly as you do.  

I've learned to stop comparing my spiritual relationship with Jesus with that of others, trusting that He will deepen my relationship with Him according to His desire. I certainly have moments when I feel His presence and love in overwhelming ways but other times I take in on faith that the Lord is walking with me throughout my ordinary day—that we are in a relationship. I’ve learned over time how Jesus speaks to me as well, be that through spiritual books or lectures, times of silent prayer, a priest at Mass or in confession, or feelings of consolation.

As long as we’re doing our best to connect with Jesus—and that we desire to have a relationship with Him—He will show us the way. And over time, we’ll learn to be certain of our personal relationship with Him and experience the gift of His peace, joy, and love in our daily lives.